Monday, 31 October 2016
Tuesday, 19 July 2016
Last night I received my Decree Absolute and it was nothing like I imagined. I signed the D36 form on June 29th and was advised the divorce would be imminent. Imminent to me means five minutes, in a couple of days maybe. Imminent to solicitors and courts means a little longer. Cue almost three weeks of optimistically expecting a letter to come home to after work each day. This optimism wasn't just general excitement, it was optimism that replayed over an over and over again what it would feel like to finally have the piece of paper that signified end of hell in my hands.
I imagined tearing it open, sometimes opening it cautiously in case it wasn't what I thought it would be, but most I imagined tearing it open. I imagined reading it and throwing my hands in the air and jumping for joy. I imagined the relief, ALL THE RELIEF that it would bring. I wondered if I would make me cry because it was done and over. When it didn't appear after a week I emailed my solicitor chasing it up who advised he was expecting the court to grant it any day. By the end of the second week of not being able to get it out of my head and it feeling like a constant high pitched buzz in my head it still hadn't arrived and the optimism took a nose dive into major frustration and pessimism.
Then yesterday evening I received email from my solicitor forwarding on one from The Respondent regarding the mortgage situation and now a joint life insurance policy that needs addressing. The Respondent once again gets to sit back and relax while I have to sort out his grown up issues. This also REALLY pisses me off.
Pissed off me then refreshed the emails to find another email from my solicitor. I sat and stared at it for a good twenty seconds. The words were set out in that Decree Absolute template. The words didn't register. But there it was, finally, in black and white, the piece of paper that signifies not only freedom but the end of sixteen months of uncertainty, worry, anger, a lot of anger, insecurity, frustration and keeping quiet and keeping your head down even though you're not in the wrong.
It wasn't really like I had imagined. It was quieter (probably dampened by the first email). It was a quiet smile and staring at it for a long time. It didn't sink in. And then suddenly a wave a of relief happened and the tears of relief came with it. It was the complete opposite of screaming from the roof tops, it was almost like I didn't want to be arrogant about it.
When I woke up this morning and remembered it was a good feeling. And as the day has gone on it is starting to sink in and it makes me happy. So happy to be free from such a huge mistake, to be legally free from such a lying, scheming, devious little excuse for a man. I no longer feel the need to stare at the ground if he drives past me in a morning. I no longer feel the need to tell friends and family to hold back because I'm divorced, anything they say or do can't affect the divorce because it's done, he can't use it against me.
I'm divorced. I'm free.
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
It's almost a year since I found out that the real reason that the lying, pathetic excuse for a man I had married had left three months previously was because he had an affair with Little Miss Quebec from, well, Quebec, for two years. Online. Behind my back. And I found out via her blog on the Internet. All there in black and white.
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
When he was leaving back in March and nothing he said made any sense because they contradicted any of his actions I asked him how what he was doing wasn't going to affect any future relationships. You plan for the future and then you leave. You buy thoughtful gifts for Christmas and then less than three months later you leave. You send flowers and less than a month later you leave. You take me out for dinner and the less than two weeks later you leave.
You tell me you do want to be with me and then two hours you tell me you no longer want to be with me.
So forgive the confusion once again but back then I guess I didn't know the truth.
Moving forward eight months later and the anger that bubbles away, simmers, rises and falls every single day was replaced (not completely) two weeks ago by something that feels a million times worse.
Welcome to The Insecurity Phase.
Saturday, 5 September 2015
I was definitely looking forward to my more accepting thirties when everybody says you become more confident in your own skin, the only thing is I didn't expect it to happen the way it did.
Tuesday, 1 September 2015
I'm well aware it's been MONTHS since I had posted anything on here but I have valid reasons, and it's not just the usual lame excuse of being busy. I'm sorry for not getting back to everybody who has asked after me on Facebook, Twitter and email but this is why.
Everything has changed.